I want to do what is good, but I don't.
I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.
Romans 7:19 NLT
I can relate to this verse everyday. Oh the frustration at myself at times! Reviewing my intentional focus goals has brought up these emotions again, as well as messy mothering moments, irritable marriage moments and a hundred other moments in between. It can be so easy to feel completely overwhelmed by all the "shoulds" from both external and internal sources. I find myself wanting to give up at times. The volume of information and opinions available to us these days is both a blessing and a curse.
My Christian walk can take this turn too. When I read Scriptures and realise how far short of Jesus' standard I fall, I can stumble into a legalistic trap of wanting to cross things off of a checklist of what makes a good Christian, without even being conscious of it. Bible study done this morning- check! Prayed for my church leadership- check! It is no wonder that I run into dry spells so frequently. Where is the joy of my salvation? Where is my daily drinking in of grace? Where is my intimate relationship with God? Where is the Holy Spirit guidance?
I want to be that little child approaching God's throne with complete abandon. I want my everyday life to be filled with God's leading and Godly character shining through me. I want my internal world to reflect Jesus and then spill out on others. Thank God that His mercies are new every morning.
I've been listening to Lysa Terkeurst's book "Unglued" and love the concept she reiterates of imperfect progress. I embrace the holy discontent in me that is the Holy Spirit's nudging to push in closer to God but I remove the shame and self-criticism. I know that I won't get it all right all of the time, but I am a work in progress. I choose to cling to this promise:
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Philippians 1:6 NLT
God loves you and me. He has extended His grace and purely desires us to be in relationship with Him. Every else will flow from that.