Who are you? How do you introduce yourself and what you do? I have always had a real dislike for these questions. I have had a tendency to be a bit of a chameleon in my life, not having strong opinions of my own on many things so open to changing to those around me. I'm not really talking about the foundational things like my faith but more the "fluff" like music, movies etc. Even though I've called it "fluff", it still has impacted me and is more of an indication of something deep within being off kilter. I have struggled to be comfortable with who I am. I have been reading "Simply Tuesday" by Emily P. Freeman and she talks about never quite feeling like she belonged and having to come to terms with her own "Emily-ness". This struck a cord with me. I have been working for 30 years on coming to terms with my own "Jodi-ness".
The core issue is taking my identity from the opinions and perceived opinions of others, and my idea of the success of my efforts. I can quote Scriptures of God's truth of who I am. I can tell you how much we need to base our identity on Him but living with this as truth is a whole other challenge. I can have the head knowledge all I like but can't change the deep recesses of my heart. That transformation only comes through an intimate relationship with my Creator. Spending time in His presence and allowing His grace in to do that work is my part of the equation. I can look back and see how far I have come with this, but also recognise the lingering fingers in my heart by the defensive reactions and internal dialogue that crop up.
It is incredibly difficult to be operating at the capacity God calls you to when you are standing on a shifting core. I have to believe that I am who God says I am for me to be able to step out into the roles and tasks He asks of me. As with all of the capacity blockers I've been reflecting on, it is a work in progress!
This post is part of a series called "My journey of increasing capacity" written as part of the Write 31 Days challenge. To read other posts in this series please click on the button below, in the side bar or on the Write 31 Days 2015 tab at the top.
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