Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Capacity blocker: identity source


Who are you? How do you introduce yourself and what you do? I have always had a real dislike for these questions. I have had a tendency to be a bit of a chameleon in my life, not having strong opinions of my own on many things so open to changing to those around me. I'm not really talking about the foundational things like my faith but more the "fluff" like music, movies etc. Even though I've called it "fluff", it still has impacted me and is more of an indication of something deep within being off kilter. I have struggled to be comfortable with who I am. I have been reading "Simply Tuesday" by Emily P. Freeman and she talks about never quite feeling like she belonged and having to come to terms with her own "Emily-ness". This struck a cord with me. I have been working for 30 years on coming to terms with my own "Jodi-ness". 

The core issue is taking my identity from the opinions and perceived opinions of others, and my idea of the success of my efforts. I can quote Scriptures of God's truth of who I am. I can tell you how much we need to base our identity on Him but living with this as truth is a whole other challenge. I can have the head knowledge all I like but can't change the deep recesses of my heart. That transformation only comes through an intimate relationship with my Creator. Spending time in His presence and allowing His grace in to do that work is my part of the equation. I can look back and see how far I have come with this, but also recognise the lingering fingers in my heart by the defensive reactions and internal dialogue that crop up. 

It is incredibly difficult to be operating at the capacity God calls you to when you are standing on a shifting core. I have to believe that I am who God says I am for me to be able to step out into the roles and tasks He asks of me. As with all of the capacity blockers I've been reflecting on, it is a work in progress!

This post is part of a series called "My journey of increasing capacity" written as part of the Write 31 Days challenge. To read other posts in this series please click on the button below, in the side bar or on the Write 31 Days 2015 tab at the top.


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12 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I have been feeling like I am standing on a shifting core this weekend, and I needed this reminder. It reminds me of the song "Remind me who I am" by Jason Gray Here's the chorus.

    Tell me, once again
    Who I am to You, who I am to You
    Tell me, lest I forget
    Who I am to You, that I belong to You
    To You

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    1. I'm glad that it could encourage you. That is a brilliant song. I think I've only heard it once or twice. I will have to go look it up again.

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    1. Glad it isn't just me (or maybe I'm not since I don't like others going through struggles.)

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  3. Thank goodness this life is a journey. Be gentle with yourself as you come to acceptance, fellow 31 dayer!

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    1. I'm learning to be. Thanks for stopping by.

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  4. "It is incredibly difficult to be operating at the capacity God calls you to when you are standing on a shifting core. I have to believe that I am who God says I am for me to be able to step out into the roles and tasks He asks of me." I just can't even. This is ME ME ME! I am just I am a mess of a mess on most days. I am so thankful he comes in and steadies my heart. He is strong in me and I am in Him and I feel so much like peter, can I really be a rock you can build your church on? And he replies yes! Bawling my eyes out headed to my prayer room!

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    1. I am so glad that this touched you today. I love that God uses my journey, even (or maybe especially) the struggles of it to touch others.

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  5. I think this is very thought-provoking. I will share my first thought as I read. When we let others define us,, we are limited to what they see in us. When we let Christ define us, we are founded in Him and therefore, all things are possible and all limitations gone.

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  6. Loved this post!!! I have been in a state of accepting my Larissa-ness for a while now and it has been a fun, and sort-of-sometimes painful process. I like it though!! I am braver than I ever thought I could be!!! God bless you sweet sister!!!!

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    1. It most certainly is a fun and painful process. God bless you too. Your comments have encouraged me.

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