Thursday, 11 January 2018

Whiplash of emotions and a song



I'm going to make the assumption that you have had days like I am about to describe because you are a human being. I could be wrong, of course. 

When contemplating writing a post this morning, I was all set to write about how wonderful I was feeling in the midst of taking steps towards goals, my house feeling more under control and as I want it and feeling productive after so long a time feeling helpless. I was going to encourage you to set realistic but important goals for yourself and give yourself grace in the process of pursuing them. I was going to encourage you to seek out what helps your headspace. For me, I am realising how important staying on top of cleaning and organising is for my internal peace. I was going to encourage you to focus on your priorities, have fun in your days and let your soul sing. Life wasn't feeling perfect by any means, with ongoing shoulder rehab and disappointing news but I was feeling energised and at peace.

Skip over just a few hours and I find myself sobbing in my room after reaching a breaking point and screaming like a banshee at my daughter. I had felt it building, could see it happening, was screaming at myself internally to stop the progression of anger and yet, there I was. Regretful. Humbled. Human. Reminded of the need to slow down and focus less on my to-do list and more on the state of my soul and need for connection moment by moment. 

A few hours later again and here I sit, exhausted from the whiplash of emotions, feeling bruised in my heart but grateful for the wall that makes me stop and reflect and reassess. Situations in my life mean there is an intensity of emotion that is unavoidable, long lists of tasks to be done, a daughter at home desperate for time with Mum and ongoing physical challenges. Today was an indicator that my self-care and soul restoration may need to look different in this season. I may need far more frequent little recharges. In my quest not to check out from life through distractions, I have gone too far the other way and given myself too few brain breaks. Maybe you are in a season of intensity. Maybe you feel yourself reaching a breaking point too. Maybe you feel like you live at breaking point. Let's encourage each other in paying attention to what our soul needs and acting on that.

One of the ways that I am finding restores my soul and refocuses my attention back on God is listening to really calm worship music. A couple of my finds in the past couple of days are below. I pray they pour a balm of peace over you as they have been for me.

The whole of the album this comes from is awesome but this song in particular:





This and many others on this YouTube channel have been playing in the background of my days. If I had these playing when I first felt the tension building today, maybe it would have gone differently.