Have you ever found yourself speeding towards a deadline but spending your time on useless, time-wasting endeavours? Do you experience times of cascades of ideas and plans that make your heart beat faster and yet never quite seem to get around to the doing part? Is the pull of distraction strong at this moment? I can answer a resounding "yes" to all of these this week. What about you?
I am so frustrated with myself. I am ashamed of the amount of time that I have wasted on technology, scrolling through social media, and little jobs that are far from important or a priority right now. The temptation to berate myself and switch to thought loops that pull me down is strong right now. I'm guessing that you can relate on some level.
Here is how I am tackling that frustration right now:
- I am choosing to keep the TV off and put away devices, open my computer and start writing- even though the pull to mindless staring is strong. I am reminding myself that motivation usually doesn't come first- the doing does. I have been having so many conversations with my daughter about doing what needs to be done despite what she is feeling. I need to live that out too.
- I am acknowledging the effects of the weather. Winter is in full force here. The desire to snuggle up with a good book and hibernate is very real. That isn't necessarily a bad thing and I need to plan for times of that to restore my soul. The mindless technology use that I've been choosing instead doesn't do that for me. I have the heater on and a warm drink on hand.
- I am giving myself grace. Do you know what happened as I typed that sentence? Tears. That is always an indication of something deeper needing to be heard. Maybe I have let that critical voice in my head fester more than I realised. Maybe part of me thinks I deserve to be punished. Grace isn't excusing my poor choices or absolving me of needing to make better ones. Grace is the reminder that I am completely and wholly loved and accepted regardless. Grace is the reminder that I am human and cannot sustain perfect productivity and focus all the time. Grace is the reminder that there is a fresh chance with each new moment of time.
- I am getting organised and re-establishing priorities. I am learning that part of who I am is this creative side that is brewing ideas on a frequent basis. It isn't possible to pursue them all at the same time. What is the next right thing in front of me? What is time critical and what can wait? Which list does that to-do need to be written on so I'm not trying to keep it all in my head?
Are you frustrated at yourself too? Any other procrastinators out there? I would love to hear your list of what you are choosing to do to be kind to yourself and get back on track. Maybe we can spur each other on.
If you are looking for a way to be still and care for your soul, to engage with Scripture in a fresh way and utilise the benefits of essential oils, the Fragrant Meditations: Essential Collection is for you.